WELCOME MONKEY BRAINED EARTHERS

Welcome to Blorkk (at blorkk.com, two K's, only because blork.com with one K was already taken by some Earth idiot who didn't realize that Blork with any number of K's is always reserved for us). We're the only other known universe anybody in your known universe knows about.  As far as we know, anyway.  That is, Blorkk is a neighboring "ku" (a short word for "known universe") to Okuaka, what we've decided to call your own known universe, since by some collective monkey brained Earther brain fart, you haven't actually named yours.  We found this quite strange when we learned this from the first life form of your planet we ever met.  Kolphin the dolphin was surfing what we call aquatic fracolic vibrations (what the dolphin Water Wars nerds might call a Liquid Force, connecting local kus like seas and rivers of thought), when one of our kind bumped into him.  Flogg had inquired of Kolphin what known universe he was from, who, quite confused, almost replied, "I don't know."  But, being a somewhat witty dolphin, Kolphin decided to reply, "The only known universe anyone knows about."

But Flogg, never having met anyone who only knew about one known universe, interpreted this as a proper noun; that is, The Only Known Universe Anyone Knows About, believing the entire name of your ku a bizarre joke rather than the momentary witty brainchild of a dumb dolphin.  Wherever the wit lay, for brevity of wit Flogg quickly coined the acronym OKUAKA to avoid an unnecessarily lengthy conversation.  Hence to date that is what we have come to call your ku, as you might name your nearby Pluto or Alpha Centauri.  In further encounters with Kolphin, Flogg and the Blorkkans who talked with him came to understand his original meaning.  After a good long laugh, one of our phylors (who had shortened your word "philosopher" into two sylables for further brevity and wit), quickly came to Kolphin's--and all y'all Okuakans--defense.  He quoted our phylo of fracology--which essentially and uselessly points out that everybody basically does their own thing--in a needlessly lengthy lecture which only one Blorkkian listening caught the end of: the single one who hadn't contracted narcolepsy by that point (or "narly."  We've become quite fond of clipping your longer words, you see). The phylor--Plik--has comitted to drawing up an in-depth Earth translation of some of our more boring phylos elsewhere for any of you Okuakans bored or masochistic enough to read about them, but in short, his argument goes as follows.

"Life is like a fractal.  All Being--being some beings' term for all of existence (or at least the only existence any of us knows about)--is self-similar, vast, endless, and pretty much totally !@#$ing pointless.  Since this is so, some of us spend time calling every bit of everything one thing or another, some of us just some of it, and some of us who have better things to do, simply don't bother." You Okuakans surf through the great sea of Everything--the infathomably ultimate fracal work of art--naming every little pattern you come across.  "These little white dots are stars.  These bigger circly thing are planets.  This big bunch of black stuff is space.  This giant rodent is called a duck-billed platypus."  You give names to your plants and cells and yourselves and atoms and animals.  You classify a thousand self-similar living fractal formations into species and races and genus.  This set of political brain patterns is called Republic, this one Democratic, this one Just Plain Retarded.

Hence, Okuakans are so obsessed with naming and grouping every single little tiny arrangement of pixils, that it simply--and understandably--didn't dawn on any of you to name the whole damn thing.  (Unfortunately, Plik was the only one who could repeat this argument later, because the single Blorkkan who'd stayed awake to hear the full proof of why there was nothing funny about neglecting to name your whole ku, immediately died of laughter at the QED).  However, as time passed and news spread of the existence of Okuaka, the argument was raised and furthered by Plik during an undergraduate Phylo 101 class he was teaching.  One of the more delinquent students--having popped some sort of illicit hallucinatory drug--dared the extension to the argument that Okuakans are to their ku as Blorkkans are to all of existence.  Meaning, that if anybody thought Okuakans were strange for not naming their ku, then Blorkkians must be doubly strange, for in fact, no Blorkkian had ever named that which contains a whole bunch of kus.  Nor anything above that.  Nor above that, nor that.  And especially, especially, no one had named that which contains absolutely everything.

The slacking class was struck at the lack of classifying all classes, as were all the areas of Blorkk who began to recieve news that no one had actually given the entire universe of kus (known universes) a name, nor the thing which contains a whole bunch of universes of kus, nor any supersets of those sets up to the top.  Our linguists and phylors--and what you might call bored Greek and Latin majors--struggled to name all the categories of things in the infinite mathematical abyss above the set of that which contains all kus.  Finally, a student theorized to live in the dead center of all of Blorkk--who had been the one single Blorkkian to prove that pi is one--had a rough hunch that if this obsessive process were continued to its full extent, the Blorkkan races would finally come to a general consensus on calling all the kus and all that which contained all the kus and all that which contained all that and so on, "Xangles."

Xangles.  Existence.  Being.  Universe.  Space-time.  The Whole Sort of General Mish Mash.

Okuakans seem to have many terms for all that there is, and we had none, so we finally gave Everything a name, and no one laughed at you guys any more.  All the phylors simply agreed once and for all that some people name some things, some people name other things, and some people just don't think to name the whole whole whole damn thing.  The term itself came from an obscure subdivision of phylo fracology, which had the following to say about the nature of truth, by which some twist of nature is eerily similar to your Aristotle's "Metaphysics" to the point of almost appearing to be comedic satire.

All living things have a genetic impulse to reject truth, and when tied down and forcibly injected with it, form all the necessary antibodies to reject it from their consciousness, leaving everyone to happily splash and mash around in whatever type of psychotic hallucination their whim lands them in that week.  The reason for this subjective vertigo is that truth, in its raw ultimate form, is the sum of everyone the universe who's ever been dead wrong about anything.  The generally accepted view by anybody who knows anything about knowledge, is the extension of the partially true Earth Spaceballs thesis "good is dumb," to the extended proposition "Everyone in existence is just plain retarded."

Every bored phylor adolescent who begins in their initial quest for the logical nirvana of ultimate ambivolence, quickly starts to notice the idiotic conflict between those holding to one proposition and those holding to a logically conflicting proposition.  Since every single proposition faces this opposition at some point during the course of its backing and evolution, they quickly and rightly conclude that either everyone is wrong and/or everyone is right, and/or everyone is sort of one or other; given the assumption that it is not the case that half are nothing less than spiritually enlightened and the other half delusional madmen.

Thus almost all are innately pulled toward the half-truth that truth simply depends on your point of view, then steel their resolve to pursue the study and exploration of philosophy.  The few who cop out are those with the lesser epiphany that the former epiphany is so deadly obvious as to make all phylo as pretty much totally !@#$ing pointless as the whole existence it wastes time making redundant commentary about.  The former simply half-laugh at the latter, then continue their dive into the study of the theory of the sum all angles of looking at things.  All angle X's; all x-angles, or "xangles".

Thus, given the growing angles that we came to understand you Okuakans see your ku and all kus from, Plik proved that it would probably make sense to simply call all of them, Xangles.

At this point, Kolphin (not quite sure how we're back to him but I'm only editing this, it must have made sense to the original writer; if this doesn't make sense from here you're just stupid) dared the question of why on Earth we hadn't just gone through all this the very first known universe we ever encountered.  Why Okuaka, he asked?  And all the phylors around who'd heard him asked, shuffled their feet and awkwardly pretend to go about their business, before someone finally informed him with embarassment that his assumption that this scenario had occured before, was false.  His exact words were, "Well, the full half-truth is, except for yours, our ku is also the only one anyone around here know about."

That was all quite a few billenia ago.  Between then and now, movements and cults and bills to congress all emphatically propogated the idea that to lessen the growing boredom of our entire ku, we should establish a relationship with Okuaka, so that we can all engage in the normal sort of stuff that bordering lands or galaxies or kus engage in, such as mutual advantage scientific endeavors, education, trade, and, hey why not, war.  Finally, the general kuic consensus was to slowly initiate relationships via a few small starter sites throughout the xnet, which is a big surfable mass of text and images and sensation, of which your internet is a tiny part.  We figure that such a ridiculous sounding notion as an entire other universe officially introducing itself through a lame hundred hit a month webpage, would simply be shrugged off as a prank; as the same type of bizarre humor of naming your whole ku "Okuaka".

However, because it can take eons to manifest collective ku thought into tangible text and visual medium in your area (similar to the way the light years between your known stars make travel and even communication very difficult), the difficulty in communication between our kus may delay the launch of the full Blorkk website for a few more billenia.  Until then, please enjoy or not enjoy--or educate or un-educate yourself with--the skeleton introductory material we've managed to send through to you: some basics of some of the essentials of who we are and what we do or think, and some of the utterly pointless nonsense that none of you will ever give a damn about, in honor of the deliquent in Plik's class who proved to us all that half-true education only half-matters, because if one pops a hallucinatory pill, one has one chance in two of becoming doubly as smart as everyone else in the room.  (And also because nonsense has a much faster upload speed almost everywhere on the xnet).

There was supposed to be a picture of the most worshiped starstar in all of Blorkk on the main page (what you might call a fusion between a physical hydrogen star and a lame pop star), but one of the head secretaries in charge of public relations thought it would be funnier to post a map of a remote swamp on the 33rd moon of the ninth planet of the last solar system of the middlemost galaxy in our ku, here instead.  Or maybe it's just a photocopy of some part of her grumple.  No one's really sure.  In fact it sort of looks like a fractal.  In any case, the feed is live (from some xangles anyway), so just stare at it for a few seconds or years or decades, and it's bound to shift now and then, sooner or later.

In any case, enjoy getting to know us, and check back soon.  If you're really lucky, maybe some really cool stuff will start happening.  For instance, maybe you'll get to witness the full life cycle of whole Blorkkian planets or solar systems or trains of thought in condensed temporal hyperspace, over the course of your lifetime.  Who knows, maybe we've comissioned a huge software company on your planet to begin a series of Blorkkan first person shooters to train some of you young adventurers for war with some looming foe threatening the destruction of us all.  Or maybe Penguin has a dozen writers lined up to create a whole realm of Blorkk and Xangles fiction to prepare you for the day all the sci-fi fantasy nerds decide "It's all real!"  Maybe YouTube is preparing to make the switch to our basic hypertekica chipzits that'll just let you think your videos to eachother.  Or maybe not.  Or maybe we'll just vaporize your whole ****ing ku just for the hell of it.  Who knows.

Anyway, have fun around here, but don't forget to have your un-fun too.  As we always say in parting,

HAVE A NICE DAY