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Xangles Blorkk: Mulg depth 4


Urgg Adults
Urgg Kids
Frwoa Watchers
(like mystery Science Theatre)
Frwoa-watcher Watchers (like watching Mystery Science Theatre)
Frwoa-watcher-watcher Watchers (like watching people watching Mystery Science Theatre)

     Pass the orange mulg please.
     Classic opening line. Just classic.
     Some friter only wrote that line in as propoganda that this frwoa will be classic some day.
     Oh, gag me, that's just further reverse psychology that even the line "What a classic line" is classic itself.  I hate this part, Skip a bit.
     Have you seen this frwoa before?
     Skip >>|
     Yes, the final ending epiphany of the original Blorkk/Urgg saga was that the nine mysterious strange and powerful device artifacts that the saga hinged on, were actually the nine audio CDs themselves, just like the meaning of all the Frangles stories turn out to be exactly what they are in Frangles Nucleus: existent people and characters who are running around for the sole purpose of promoting Frangles frwoa sales. Basically the reason anybody in a fictional world is ever running around.
     But that includes everyone, right? Even us?
     Exactly.
     And the Earthers?
     Well, not them, they're basically at the top.
     Either that or they're just too paranoid to imagine that there are people always watching them.
     Except for the schizophrenics.
     Yes, of course them.
     So, how's the invasion of Earth going, dear?
     Oh, same 'ol, conspiring to cover up the fact that we're invading the wrong planet just because I misread a horoscope and my minimal ethical outlook hasn't yet outweighed the guilt of waging invasion against a whole species to cover up my incompetence and save face in front of a council and sentient race who are pretty well damned used to my mistakes by now anyway.
     Are you kidding? Are you kidding? You know a dozen xneters are likely hovering about. Why would you spoil such a magnifient plot twist!? You might as well tell everybody that Earth and Florbb are the same planet, or that the entire Greenpeas Earth Rights Alliance save their oblivious leader is an invented farce just to poke fun at him.
     Hello?
     Oh! Right, I'm doing it too. But you're doing it on purpose.
     Who says I was?
     Would both of you just shut up, I hate it when you bicker about the ethics of plot spoilers during the very frwoas you're ruining for everybody! It's just useless, pointless, meaningless redundant rhetorical ranting run-on bickering! Really, what on Earth is the point?
     Yah what's the whole point of that anyway, Dad, the teachers at school won't tell us.
     Blurka, Choggig, I've told you a thousand times, I detest discussing interplanetary invasion at the dinner table. We'll talk later.
     I've told you a thousand times, Bob, I hate bickering about the value of bickering on frwoa night. Let's just all shut up.
     We all know why that is.
     Some people don't.
     Like who?
     Like all the Earth freeners.
     What's this Earth you guys are talking about again?
     You know, the blue-green planet in the sol system of the milkey way galaxy in the Okuaka ku? Don't you pay attention?
     Mother, could you pass the green mulg?
     Mother, could you pass the green mulg... another classic line
     More idiotic propoganda.
     More idiotic propoganda... More bullshit reverse subliminal advertising.
     If you're quoting a line, you should use quotes.
     I thought quotes weren't allowed in the Blorkk ku.
     Only if you're quoting a statement or question.
     A question?
     You know, an inquisition.
     We were only trying to be inquisitive. Please pass the blue mulg, Niglooc.
     We were only trying to be inquisitive. Please pass the blue mulg, Niglooc.
     That was one of the most putrid contrived passages in all of Blorkk to get from one word to the same word in the next depth line. And for what? It wasn't even funny.
     Touche.
     Touche.
     Well, quite frankly Margly, i'm getting sick of your inquisitivity. And sick of you using it as an excuse.
     But Furgy, I was only trying to be apologetic.
     I was only trying to be apologetic.
     Father, could you pass the brick red mulg?
     I'm brickredimulgaphobic son.
     I'm brickredimulgaphobic son.
     I'm so sick of all the Frangles/Xangles made up terms. If this ever turns to a full Klingon or Elvish language, the whole universe is doomed.
     Would you cut it out! We know you know every damned line of all the Mulg skips by heart, you don't need to prove anything by being annoying and narrating along as we go.
     That's kinda the point of it, Bob.
     Why's that?
     Come on, you know, I was just, exaggerating. You know, like a metaphor.
     Metaphysics?
     No, "metaphor."
     What's a metaphor?
     Yah, what's a metaphor?
     It's like a unicorn.
     It's like a xangle.
     A what?
     You know, any "angle x."
     Oh.
     Oh.
     Oh.
     Oh, right, I forgot. Mother, could you pass it?
     "Oh oh oh?" Hmm, that reminds me of a bridge of a song.
     Ohh! Oh, ok, so the Urgg nuked Squish's YouTube page because of this very frwoa fragment.
     Bob, what are you talking about?
     You'll find out in another depth.
     You always say that, and I never do. It's depressing. I think I need to retire and write lame low-hit blues songs about the retirement I could have had had I not wasted it away on low-hit blues songs.
     Sounds like a lame pop song.
     Sounds like the bridge of every lame pop song.
     Yes! That's it! It was a lame pop song.
     Looks like you've found your xangle, Bob.
     Which one? There are infinite, you know.
     Something around Earth's twenty-first century...
     N'sync?
     O'Town?
     Backstreet Boys?
     Out of Town?
     System of a Down?     
     Out'o'synch O'Town downtown backstreets?
     Bach?
     Swell?
     Jesse Mccartney's Leavin'?
     Yes! That was the lame pop song!
     No, I meant, "Jesse Mccartney is leaving."
     Where?
     Oh, you know, I meant, someone named Jesse Mccartney, somewhere in the universe, is relocating from some physical corporeal perception of external environment to some other physical corporeal perception of external environment, like from real life onto YouTube.
     But isn't that obvious?
     Welcome to Xangles.
     Welcome to Xangles.
     So, did I pass my foreshadow contrivance test?
     Pass what?
     What I just asked father to pass.
     And what was that?
     He forgets, but he knows he wanted it.
     I forget, but I know I wanted it. I know it started with an 'm'...
     Mulg?
     Moron! Stop it! Go eat some freaking anti-mulg-quotation moron mulg.
     Yes, that was it! Could I have mulg?
     Do you actually have any?
     What color?
     Uh, hot pink, I suppose.
     That flarng ate the last of it.
     I think he ate the last of it last time you asked him to stop it.
     But I want pink mulg.
     But I'm freaking sick of it!
     Look here, just have some more purple mulg.
     Frankly my Bob, I don't give a damn.
     And frankly Blurka, I'm getting sick of your apologeticity.
     For the last time, having read the script doesn't count as foreshadowing!!
     Mother pass the thermostat mulg.
     I don't think that's a word, hon.
     Tatsomreht?
     Thermostat?
     Hunh?  What's tasomret?
     No, apologeticity.
     I didn't say apologeticity.
     I think he said tatsomreht, not tasomret.
     Bob said tatsmoret?
     No, your father did.
     Then why did you--
     Then why'd you just say--
     Just foreshadow the next, Bob.
     Just eat your thermostat, son.
     If it isn't a word, it durg well should be.
     Diddo.
     
Are we still on tasmoret?     
     Please pass the green forest mulg.

     Could you pass the purple mulg?
     Gugron, glum delkceps-egnaro eht ssap!
     Pass the orange-speckled mulg, Norgug.
     Mommy, I don't like this food.
     What the hell is that, Klingon?
     Just eat your mulg, Keelky.
     But I want yellow mulg, why can't we have yellow mulg?
     Ironic since his line is in yellow text.
     At least from his frangle.
     Appropriate, not ironic.
     What?
     Thgir yralubacov eht teg tsael ta, hsilgne htrae dlo gnikaeps ni tsisni uoy fi!

     If you insist in speaking old Earth English, at least get the vocabulary right.
     What the hell are you speaking, gargling puke-throated Klingon or something?

     But I've heard that term used a hundred times like that.
     Oh, I get it, he's speaking the lines backwards!
     That's because Earthers are idiots. Irony is roughly defined to be that which is the opposite of what's expected. Someone who crashes their car because they were distracted putting on their safety belt. Now if an giant organic safety belt monster sneezes and blows all the cars off the road right when they were all heading for an invisible and fatal type seven temporal anomoly, that's appropriateness, not irony.
     What if some of the people die from the cars tumbling over eachother?
     Then it's both ironic and appropriate.
     What I don't get it, if everyone crashes and dies, wouldn't it be ironic that a safety belt monster killed them?
     No you don't get it.  The cars didn't crash, they just tumbled over a few dozen times, but most of the people survived.  Maybe a few small toddlers got crunched and an occasional family of four got melted from an exploding gas tank, or an ambulance with a near-dead car crash surviver who was already complaining about the highway pot holes the ambulance was racing over to rush him to the hospital died quickly, but most of the people survived when they otherwise would have died.  So, it's appropriate a massive safety belt monster saved them, because as everyone knows, safety belts save lives.
     What if the temporal anomaly wasn't going to kill them?
     But he specifically said fatal anomaly, it was a premise of the hypothetical situation.
     Got it.
     Keelky, when I was your age we didn't have any yellow mulg, or hot pink mulg, all we had was mulg. Just plain mulg. Oh, how I remember, every day we'd all wait by the padulor late afternoon to greet father as he came home with the mulg. Just plain mulg. none of this orange-speckled-polka-dotted-bikini-mulg. Oh, i'll never forget what ol' grandaddy used to say, he would say: "Mulg Mulg Mulg! Why do we have to eat so much gods damned mulg!"
     Wasn't his grandfather a mutated version of Kyle Kirby, from a remote xangle in a remote frwoa somewhere?
     " 'I asked you three times!' "
     What the hell was that?
     It was an irrelevent classic Kyle Kirby line in an unpublished Earth frwoa that basically had nothing to do with the current skit anyway.  Bob just likes the line so much he'll quote it any time anyone says anything vaguely relating to Kyle Kirby.
     Wait, didn't Kyle have a dream about that in book 7^EEE35.9pi?
     No, Kyle only hallucinated that frwoa frangle in a bad nightmare.
     No, Kyle only hallucinated that frwoa frangle in a bad nightmare.
     No, Kyle only hallucinated that frwoa frangle in a bad nightmare.
     No, Kyle only hallucinated that frwoa frangle in a bad nightmare.
     Gringle, where did that come from?
     What?
     You just said something about Kyle Kirby; it was totally non-sequiter. Where'd that come from?
     I don't know really, it was like a sort of echo riffing through my mind. Like a bunch of other people were saying the same thing, and I felt compelled by peer pressure to join in.
     Can he hear us? It was only two riffs.
     Can Jym hear us? It was only one riff from his xangle.
     Wait, did someone just say something?
     Both Keelky and the guy who just spoke have a very light sense of being able to pick up things going on in adjacent dimensions. Both develop full fracolic telepathy much later in their respective frwoas.
     "The guy who just spoke?" Why not just call him Jym?
     Because a whole bunch of freeners are still in the carefully designed initial shock of absolute brain mangling bafflement as to what the hell is going on anywhere in Xangles.
     But I called him Jym right before your line.
     I was hoping it passed people by.
     Well, now they know.
     And knowing is half the battle.
     That reminds me of some movie that just came out.
     That was the point.
     Actually, I don't think the movie came out when this skit was written.  I think we're just commenting on it now to make it sound like xiters actually update the site.  They'll go ohhh, okay!  This must be recent when we're talking about current events, but if they're really smart they'll realize that since the movie hasn't come out yet, our xiters are already deep in !@#$ for frauding the conversation to say "that just came out" so it will seem like this has been updated recently when actually we just predicted the event based on the fact that the movie's coming out soon.
     Unless they read this after the movie has indeed come out, in which case the deception will work perfectly.
     Unless they read these few lines in which we're ruining the whole attempt anyway.
     What the hell movie we talking about again?
     I can't tell you again without losing Fair Use points or contriving a segway to the next line which should answer your question anyway.
     G.I. Joe!
     What?
     Nothing. Another riff echo.
     Just keep those to yourself.
     Unless you find some winning lottery numbers floating around the Fractal.
     Well of course not then.
     That reminds me, I won the lottery last week.
     We all did. It was a krforb fluke.
     Great. Just great. Now I'm five million in debt. Now I'll never be able to afford the temporal orb to travel back in time and alter this line of dialogue to deliver more contrivance, especially since time travel requires passing a cyan mulgon test.
     Gringle, pass the cyan mulg.
     "Cyan mulgon test?" What's a--oh, I get it, you were creating your own contrivance by making up your own contrived, non-sequiter term. It didn't pass me by. In fact you might say it was more or less totally invisible to me.
     Could someone pass some more invisible mulg?
     Who said that?
     See? I did it too.
     Congrads. Now shut up.
     Father, pass the flashing mulg, please.
     I want to know who said that.
     Mother, there's a krforb in my mulg.
     Classic. Classic. Classic.
     Propoganda. Propoganda. Propoganda.
     Bullshit.  Reverse.  Psychological.  Subliminal.  Advertising.
     Just eat it, dear.
     Just deal with it, Bob.
     Just deal with it, Bob.
     Can't.  I can't take this, I'm skipping a bit.
     It's a skip skit.  Aren't we already skipping by reading it?  Hey, where did you get that rem--
     Skip >>|
    And am starting to like the Earth logical symbol for 'not' in applcation to right-angle geomefralogica except I think I like it rotated 180 degrees.  In fact the most fascinating concept in that area is that of the self-sustained square, or half-square, some call it.
     L.
     Nobody but a couple Earth philosophers will get the joke that 'L' is the logical symbol for "not" rotated 180 degrees.
     Nobody in the known universe will get the joke that the symbol for "not" reduced in size fits into an 'L' to make a "right angle" math symbol.
     Nobody in any known universe will get the joke that that note on "not" was not noted earlier because of the pun "not in application to" rather than " 'not' in application to", implying its irrelevance, unless you rotate the L, reduce it, comment on it, and fit it right back into itself to make not the wrong, but the right right-rotated right angle symbol.
     Bob, please pass some more prematurely complex instant gratification friter logic.
     Mother, pass the forest-green mulg.
     I think we're out.
     And I just had my first period. Kind of strange for a male but not too uncommon considering the bisexuality. Anyway a period's the whole point of life really. It made me think, if I was a period, I would be like a single dot in the entire connect-the-dot fractal...
     .
     And I'm getting good grades in grammar. And I'm excelling in the phylo theory of nothingness. Especially the part where something that turns to nothing usually begins inverting, which is sort of infathomable to us of course. Sort of like when the last level of Pac Man on old Earth was beaten and the whole game went schizo 'cause no one had expected the memory to exceed 256 flutonegs, or terrabytes, or something.
     !%$_I_am_error
     Father, what the hell's wrong with you? You're inverting to some kind of digital krforb code traffic.
     I like traffic lights.
     I like traffic lights.
     I like traffic lights.
     Wherever they have been!
     IFugrav_const=7.3openGiraffatekica77billavik250135330090180--
     Pst, Bob, doesn't the last of that look like the first five digits of the permutation of foci for the Kirby plush toy? I heard that on the radio the other day navigating through a mess of Kirby news traffic.
     I like traffic lights.
     I like traffic lights.
     I like traffic lights.
     You might be right, and would you shut up, Bob? You're such a dope.
     Stop singing that song with them or I'm going to toss you right into the crude castration scene in the Area 51 skip, where god knows what will happen to an asexual octogonal plush toy lost in the septagonal franglic waters of Earth.
     I'm also the key founder of a de-centralized underground terrorist organization resposible for multiple acts of mass destruction and extensive treaty violation involving many of our closest allies...
     Shame on you, child, I've always told you to centralize your crazy terrorist cults. Keelky, pass the green mulg.
     Ironic because his line of text is colored yellow on Blorkk.com
     ...But only when they're green!
     Ha! for once it wasn't me. A whole verse of Monty Python infringement integrated with an early nonlinear Blorkk skit due to a xiter depth typo, and I didn't even have to commit a fuse felony. Life is good.
     Things are sure looking up for the Ballad of the Third To Last Fair Use Fall of Blorkk Due To Local Xiter Incompetence.
     Would you shut up? That's the worst song in Python musical history.
     But what about the last two? What the hell? How can any god or author or whatever from any frangle allow that? 5,040 permutations of foci strings and they leave us a 50/50.
     Or 40,404 if there's an eighth Frangles.
     Wait, I thought this was the 60,714th focus?
     It's different for everyone. If you haven't learned that in 60,715 foci--
     But the franglefoci from our frangle are so short. I mean, in 60,716 foci, there's still so much I don't understand. Like Orb Prime frwoa.
     Oh I get it! The foci are going up one per line. Every single line of dialogue is an entire fractal work of art somewhere. Pure genius.
     More frwoa propoganda so convoluted I don't even have the energy to criticize it for fear of accidentally engaging in it myself.
     Touche.
     Which frwoa?
     Orb Prime I. Pluto Seven, 233rd billenia. Like, how did they know which orbs were the death orbs and which were the death melons? I don't understand how prime factors of a third of a nine digit sugar cereal circular UPC number told them this.
     Because it wasn't the factors, it was the number of prime factors. An orb was trapped If any of the number of prime factors of the three-digit third of the nine-digit sugar UPC wasn't a power of a prime, except Orb Prime, and the dectagorb of prime ribb that Dez used against the Vegan army.
     So they weren't marked by prime numbers.
     Wasn't that explained in a Jesse Mccartney parody somewhere in an attempt at total non-sequiter humor?
     Probably the same xiter.
     Xiter?
     Xangles writer.
     Oh, that explains a lot. Especially why this entire skit flashed in my head last night as I imagined that my parents were some fractal writers who'd pass their genes onto me.
     Well, they were. Because the number of prime factors of a prime is one, which isn't a prime power, so if a number had a prime, it was trapped, but that isn't the only thing that marks a trap.
     So that's why the system worked for them up to a certain point.
     Sorry, father.
     Dear, could you--
     Bob, could you skip a bit? There's something I wanted to comment on.
     Skip >>|
     You can't quote an obscure high school television production video which only about three people on Earth will get if this were some book on Earth.
     Maybe it isn't.
     That's actually pretty likely, considering that's just one frangle out of evey possible frangle. It's like, infinitely minus infinitesimally likely. That seems 100% but it's really not...
     Alright, so here, I never understood this. I thought the whole point of obsessively dimensioned frwoa space was that no frangle is singled out. That the truth of it all lies in the brain-mangling prolific eclecticy that all points of view are sort of right and sort of wrong.
     Well, that's one point of view. But if anything is relative at all, then certainly some things are more relative than others.
     Relative relativity?
     Yes and No.
     Bob, what do you think?
     I agree with Bob. No matter how open and prolific Xanglic phylo is, it just can't carry the weight of the frangle that it's all complete bull.
     What about Franglic phylo?
     Same deal.
     Blorkkan phylo?
     Nooope.
     Primitive Discrepency Nonstrich Flagorulative Phylo?
     Not a chance.
     Wait, supposing two phylo fields carried it together?
     You've been studying fracolics too much.
     You've been watching too much Monty Python.
     Have not.
     Have too.
     Prove it.
     See the proof goes, if you were to hold a fractal-wide lottery and pick one soul out of the infinite beings there are--
     There are seventeen, not infinite.
     --someone would have to win. So if you were that person, you'd never believe it, because you'd basically think the chance was zero. But since someone must win, then a one in infinity chance doesn't equate to zero. See?
     Is that how we all won the lottery?
     Yah, something like that. I think it was an I.D. krforb fluke.
     I.D.?
     Infinitely dimensioned. Grolk told me about it while he was high one night.
     You've been drinking with Gunkwub too much. How many Earth drinks have you tried by now anyway?
     This feels like a contrived set up for a later joke.
     I'd say that that itself felt like a contrived set up but I've seen it already so that probably explains the feeling.
     Shh, don't worsen the contrivance by acting like the xiter's covering it up.
     Well you're making it worse yourself.
     So are you, with that.
     I think we're worsening everything by watching this part. Should we skip forward?
     Who's sk--oh, ok, yah, go ahead, I don't care.
     I didn't ask your permission.
     Well I didn't say I really cared.
     Neither did I.
     I do.
     I don't.
     Skip the damn thing!
     The remote's broken. I keep hitting it but it won't do anything.
     Then why are you worsening it?
     No, I mispoke aloud. I was getting married in a krforb somewhere on Pluto Ten.
     Idiot, no one anywhere, ever, is supposed to know about Pluto Ten.
     Better grab the other remote before someone hears about Frangles Nucleus 2.
     Well now they know, and knowing is--
     Found it.
     Skip >>|
     What makes you think that?
     The giant looming shadow that looks like it's about to swallow all existence.
     You skipped right to the end! Idiot!
     Well, I sort of did. Depends on your right-rotated frangle angle.
     No, I think that's just 'cause it's the last few lines of the chapter.
     Ohh.
     Pff. Newbies.


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