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Xangles 9: Blorkk
Pre-pre-prologue, Earth outernet prose frwoa   

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XANGLES NINE: BLORKK

    ...I thought it was ten?
    You know time works differently in this place.  Anyway since we're talking I don't think this is really the frwoa.  I think it's just more stalling.  Somehow I get the feeling we'll never get to Blorkk...
    Shut up, let's just watch.
    This is already lame.  This is like, the laziest piece of crap ever written.
    Maybe it'll get better.
    I doubt it.
    We can always fast forward.
    We lost the remote.
    We could go find it.
    --under the granolith.
    Still.
    The one we teleported to the bottom of the Dead Sea.
    Still.
    And duct tape the mokanuclear reactor to.
    Maybe the detonator malfunctioned.
    We set the backup.
    And the backup detonator.
    When we were done, we hired an ascended alien race to vaporize the entire planet where we sunk it just to be absolutely sure.  We watched the explosion from fourteen xangles simultaneously."
    Maybe we were hallucinating.
    What a xangle.
    Could someone please tell me what the hell a xangle is?
    It's short for "angle x."  See existence is just like a fractal.  What could have remained nothingness tears itself apart into a vast sea of life by the simple rule that everything can and must be created from the simple rule that all can and must be created from nothingness, like the simple rule z=z^2+c generating an infinite sea of nifty self-similar fractal images.  And so, all stuff and all ways of looking at that stuff, are created, so reality is determined by your perception of what's real.  Every angle 'X' of looking at life is either dead wrong, sort of right, or kind of one or the other.
    Hey Clud, what's a fractal?
    Oh, that's like a xangle.
    A xangle?
    Yah, without the angle, though.
    Avik, what's happening to the screen?
    Hey, my book's spontaneously combusting!  Wait, I'm waking up.  I must have forgotten to take the blue pill.
    Hey, it's a booming voice.
    Why would you bother stating that?
    For any frwoa that's full dialogue and no description whatsoever.
    What a lazer friter.
    Alright, listen up everyone; or think up, or whatever.  We're sorry to inform you that we all just now realized that nobody in any ku we know of written a ninth Xangles.  So, we're going to rerun Xangles 8.  Now in XHD widescreen during 22nd century earth, and 4D plasma shrooms hallucination in the Fourth Era of Pluto Nine.
    Yes... Yes!
    Eight?  Eight?  Not again.
    Ohhhhhh, okay, it's the petunias in Hitchhiker's I'm thinking of!  And stop quoting!  You'll be death of Kroffonia.
    Look away.  Look away.
    Two more...
    Hey, was that Being Tom the Lawn Mower?
    Now that was a weird frwoa.
    A few more allusions please, I'm still hungry.
    ...I'm sick of this.  This entire blurb is a horrid infomercial for this series.  It's worse than writing a seven hour pod race into the plot of the most anticipated science fiction film of all time when we could have watched a seven hour lightsaber battle instead, to skyrocket the marketing of a bad video game.
    No, no, it introduces you to the characters, summarizes all you've missed.
    Or haven't read yet.
    Maybe it'll just be cut out.
    Or never published at all.
    Or even posted.
    Anywhere.
    That seems much more likely.
    You know, Vlro, it's times like right now when I feel horribly sorry for the distant visitors who just tune in to the audience ramble ads, and never actually get to watch the Xangles frwoas.
    Fracking lucky as far as I'm concerned.

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